Dear King,
Game doesn’t just teach you how to get women.
It also teaches you how to vet them.
The word “vet” means to make a careful and critical examination of someone or something.
Unfortunately, very few men do this before entering a relationship with a woman.
And this leads to unpleasant (but perfectly avoidable) surprises down the road.
The few people who talk about vetting usually talk about it in terms of what to look for in a woman.
Desirable traits such as femininity, purity, nurturing instincts, and (occasionally) genuine desire for you, among other things.
But they rarely ever talk about how to vet a woman.
They rarely ever talk about the process.
Here’s the thing, women know what men want in a partner…
…and both parties usually put their best foot forward at the beginning of a relationship.
That’s just the honeymoon phase, and it’s filled with what some red pillers call New Relationship Energy (NRE).
The intense feelings in this stage can blind even the best of us to the new partner’s flaws.
As they say: “Love is blind”.
And this blindness poses several risks to you as a man.
Perhaps you know some couples who seemed so happy together when they first met…
…only for the relationship to devolve into the most loveless marriage and/or end in the most bitter breakup/divorce.
So what happened? Did either party change? I would say no. People rarely change, but their values do.
Now, men tend to keep steady values once they reach maturity, but a woman’s values will change over the course of her whole life.
Why? Because women tick off milestones determined by their biological drives.
And you’re probably already familiar with the first two drives.
- Hot sex with dominant men when young (alpha fucks).
- Marriage/motherhood as their sexual desirability drops in the dating market.
The second drive leads to a temporary change in most women who’re forced to settle for beta providers.
These women change their values to mirror what betas think a good wife should be.
But the biological desire for an alpha male remains, it’s just suppressed until the woman secures her provisioning needs.
Some women may even cheat right up to and after their wedding day.
Understand this: A woman’s true feelings toward her partner will always come out in the end.
And her lack of genuine desire will manifest as red flags in the beginning.
The average man will ignore (or rationalise) these warning signs because he lacks options.
But the woman’s true opinion of him comes out the moment she believes she has nothing else to gain from the relationship.
As a man, you have far more to lose than any woman.
Society offers women a safety net, but offers men nothing.
And a woman is always sure a child is her’s, while a man doesn’t have any certainty the child is his.
Also, women have a far easier time getting back into the dating market after a failed relationship or divorce.
There’s always some other man who’ll provide women with a soft landing…
…while you can only ever rely on yourself.
Women avoid broken men like the plague.
So you can’t afford to be as careless as women when it comes to jumping into relationships.
You want to increase your chances of making a good choice.
So you must learn to vet.
Building a Foundation
Many pickup artists learn this lesson the hard way:
Focusing on getting notches only makes you better at picking up girls in specific environments, usually nightclubs.
But screening/vetting women for commitment is a completely different skill set.
Women sleep with men for different reasons, and a girl can sleep with you without entering your frame.
Women do this all the time.
But my MAD-EESI framework helps you meet girls in pretty much all environments.
And it helps you filter out non-compliant girls.
First, you invite a woman into your frame using the 7 steps outlined in The Desired Man.
She starts out as a female acquaintance who you invite for a casual hang-out.
And this means the only benefit she gets from you is the gift of your presence.
The goal is to have sex with her within 7 hours of interaction. This includes phone calls, and meet-ups.
You then have sex with her again within a week to get her used to the idea of sleeping with you.
This is how you promote her to a fuck buddy so you can begin the vetting process.
But this is only the beginning.
Many former “party sluts” can and do rebrand themselves as pure or reformed once their looks start to decline.
Or even earlier than that, such as after being “pumped and dumped” by a particularly desirable alpha.
That’s a particularly traumatizing experience for most women, and it leads to a temporary identity change.
So you need a second system for screening out the girls who’re hiding serious trauma and red flags.
The very first step is to get enough girls into your sex roster. Build up a roster of 3-5 girls so you can experience an abundance mindset.
Keep a minimum of three girls at all times. If one girl leaves, you must get another girl into your pipeline using the MAD-EESI framework.
Now, you may go for more “average” girls in the beginning because you’re starting from zero.
This is fine, so long as you feel some measure of attraction towards them.
But the more you level up as a man, the more you level up your mindset, the more women you’ll find yourself attracting.
And the better their attractiveness.
Also, getting rejected by a new woman hurts far less when you know you already have three girls you’re seeing on the regular.
You become non-needy because you know you’re going to get laid, no matter what.
So you’ll find yourself replacing girls until you have a roster of girls you’re truly attracted to.
Now, here’s an important rule:
You must have 3-5 girls at all times…
…and those girls can be at different levels on your compliance ladder…
…but you can only have one girl at the higher ladder levels (Trainee girlfriend, girlfriend, fiancée, and wife).
So, for example, you can have:
Three fuck buddies.
One trainee girlfriend and 2 fuck buddies.
One girlfriend and 2 fuck buddies.
One fiancée and 2 fuck buddies.
One wife and 2 fuck buddies.
Once you bump a girl up to trainee girlfriend, you must keep all other girls in place at the lower levels.
Months 1-6
You keep things casual with each girl, and see her just once a week.
Just sex, nothing more.
You can have a 10-minute conversation before escalating to sex, and cuddle a little after to maintain a bit of comfort.
She can spend the night if logistics aren’t favourable (developing countries can be quite unsafe).
But you give no more than that.
Why? Because you want to see how cooperative a woman is with you giving her the least.
Some people will scoff at this and claim only low self-esteem sluts will agree to this. But such people miss two things:
- You’re continuously improving yourself, and so attracting better girls over time.
- Even the most secure girl abandons her rules for her first-choice man.
Your job is to improve yourself to the best of your ability, then to figure out which girls see you as their first and only choice.
Sex with a new partner always feels amazing for at least one party, usually the man.
But most men make the mistake of planning the rest of their lives based on the intensity of sex in those first few weeks.
They cut off all other opportunities and focus on that one girl.
And their bodies further trick them by releasing lots of dopamine (for habit-forming) and oxytocin (for emotional bonding).
If you sleep with one woman long enough, you will fall in love with her. That’s just your biology.
Women know this, so it’s in their best interest to push for monogamy as soon as possible.
That’s how they get you hooked on them.
But two kinds of women won’t do this.
The first kind of woman is the one who really just wants casual sex.
Maybe she finds you “really hot” but doesn’t see you as relationship material.
That works to your benefit, just keep things casual and you won’t push her away.
The second kind of woman is the one who really likes you, and so doesn’t want to risk losing you.
You’re looking for the second kind of woman. Here’s how you screen for her:
You ramp up the intensity of sex (I’ll explain how in next week’s secret) and watch how each girl responds in bed.
See if she opens up emotionally during sex, see if she becomes more “free”.
And take note of how she responds to your seed.
Why? Because your seed is your very life force.
Alpha seed gets treated like liquid gold, while beta seed gets treated like dirt.
Does she immediately clean herself when you nut on her body? Or does she bask in the moment with you?
Does she gladly give you oral sex?
Does she swallow when you nut in her mouth? Or does she gag/spit?
All these will tell you what she really thinks of you.
A woman may tolerate beta dick inside her vagina…
…because she wants to secure his commitment and provisioning through pregnancy.
But she will never tolerate beta dick in her mouth.
That is the ultimate insult to her, and she won’t subject herself to it for long.
Few women will suck dick and swallow for months on end when having sex with a man they really aren’t attracted to.
So if a woman hesitates or gets angry when you do this, take note of it.
Make a decision, and accept she will never be more than just a fuck buddy.
You can only keep seeing her if you’re also seeing other girls.
But never promote an unenthusiastic woman to a reliable fuck buddy.
You’ll only have yourself to blame for the consequences if you do.
If you think all this is degrading to women, then you’re yet to experience a woman’s genuine desire.
I know a “good” Christian girl who sent a selfie to her chat group on her wedding night…
…after her alpha husband gave her a facial.
She immediately came to her senses and deleted the picture within seconds.
But the point is this: alphas make women abandon commonsense and reason.
Some women swallow because they’re genuinely turned on by and attracted to you.
Others swallow even though it doesn’t bring them pleasure. They do this because they’re selfless.
And a few swallow because they’re crazy, but they usually have a parade of red flags.
You’ll learn the difference with time. That’s why you stretch the vetting process over an extended period.
Because unenthusiastic women will eventually weed themselves out.
And you’ll be left with a roster of reliable fuck buddies.
But you’re also looking for potential red flags here.
After the first 3-5 months, you’ll fall into enough of a routine that some girls will stop putting in maximum effort.
Is she still pushing for sex as frequently as month 1? Or are you initiating it more?
How’s her social media usage around you?
Does she have healthy gym habits?
You’ll start to get a sense for who could be a potential girlfriend.
Months 6-9
This is the beginning of the trainee girlfriend phase.
You can now start doing things together, like going out to eat, and even fucking her at her place (do this less than half the time).
But you aren’t doing this to reward the girl. You’re being strategic and watching how she responds to the change.
How does she treat service staff when you go out?
Does she drive? If so, how’s her driving? Does she have road rage?
Does she cook and clean?
Does she ever cook for you? And how enthusiastic is she about the idea?
Does she cook your food how you like it?
Does her apartment steadily get messier over time compared to when you first went over?
Does she slack off on going to the gym compared to when you met her?
Does she have a stable mood? Or does she have constant drama in her life?
How’s your mood around her? Does she make you feel emotionally drained?
If so, then you have to cut off the relationship. Bad moods are infectious.
Also don’t be afraid to throw her occasional, unexpected tests.
Stress her out. Upset her and make her angry. Observe her temper.
Does she become violent and start trying to bully and belittle you?
You must also watch her reaction when she doesn’t get her way.
Is she open and self-reflective? Or does she lack self-awareness?
What does she like about herself?
What doesn’t she like about herself?
Does she have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset?
A growth mindset means she believes she can improve with effort.
A fixed mindset means she believes change is beyond her control.
What are her opinions on family, kids, and marriage?
What are her plans for her life?
What’s her ideal day like?
How’s her relationship with her family?
How’s her relationship with her father?
You should meet her family at this stage.
And you should have the mindset that you’re screening them and her, rather than them screening you.
What are her parents like? And what can you extrapolate from their behaviour/beliefs?
How does her mum treat her dad?
What were her past relationships like? Why did they end?
What are her friends like?
Has she ever lived alone?
Has she ever travelled alone or with female friends?
Does she talk about “toxic” ex-boyfriends?
What’s her relationship with alcohol like?
Is she moving her schedule around to spend more and more time with you?
Is she okay with you seeing other girls (as fuck buddies)?
She also needs to know you’ll be discreet, but you’ll never be monogamous.
Some girls will leave at this stage. That’s fine. Replace them with fuck buddies.
You need to be indirect with your investigation. Girls are extremely sensitive to body language and moods.
And they’ll use their intuition to guess your intentions.
If you play the role of a man looking to settle down, they’ll play the role of a woman wanting to settle down.
That’s why it’s always important to play your cards extremely close to your chest.
Months 9-12
This is the middle part of the trainee girlfriend stage.
You can start giving her some instructions and tasks.
Giver her some money to go grocery shopping for you, ask her to organise your place, etc.
You’re assessing her relationship with money, her ability to plan, and how willing she is to inconvenience herself for you.
Months 12-18
This is the final part of the trainee girlfriend stage.
It’s basically the same as the previous stage.
You’re just watching to see if she’s still consistent in cooperating with you and not giving you a hard time.
It’s fine for a woman to ask about a relationship, it’s not okay for her to pester you.
The pestering doesn’t go away once you enter a relationship.
In fact, giving in to her demands teaches her she has to pester you to get her way.
You can also invite her on trips with you to see how she acts when you’re “stuck” together for significant amounts of time.
This is because she knows you’re not fucking other girls while on the trip.
You then consider all these things carefully, and make your decision.
But the reality is this: you’re probably going to have to accept a few flaws because nobody is perfect.
And if you experience serious problems at this stage, then you probably didn’t vet her thoroughly enough.
Maybe you even picked her based on the wrong reasons (such as how pretty she is compared to other fuck buddies).
Months 18 and Beyond
You can now make her your girlfriend, but you never promise monogamy.
Women are wired to get complacent once you promise monogamy.
And they’ll stir up drama once they don’t dread losing you like at the start.
You also need to outline the terms of the relationship.
Why? Because whatever you accept at the beginning becomes the foundation going forward.
If you make her your girlfriend while she’s still going to clubs, you can’t ask her to stop afterwards.
And you certainly can’t ask her to dump all her male friends, her social media, or alcohol after you commit to her.
So that’s how to vet a woman.
The early stages are when the main surprises come out, because a lot of things are hidden due to the thrill of meeting a new person.
And the honeymoon phase can last as long as 2 years in some cases, so there could be a few surprises down the road.
But we could look at what are the prime moments where a girl has incentive to “let her hair down”.
Moments after which she can either let things out that she was hiding…
…or simply slack off on things because she feels less risk in doing so.
Here are some examples of such moments:
- When she gets an engagement ring and starts planning a wedding.
- When she signs the marriage certificate and is legally bound to you.
- When she gets pregnant and can blame her behaviour on hormones.
- After she has kids, and can blame her hectic schedule.
But all that is beyond the scope of this post.
Till we meet again.
May you grow stronger and stronger, without limit, in all things.
AJ Newport (@LearnThisSecret)
